A quick update: I’ve put my notice in for my overnight shifts. My last one will be August 25th. I took on too much and I am realizing that. I am upset with myself, but also need to be realistic. I can’t work 7 days a week. It’s just not something I can swing anymore. This is for my own sanity.
That being said, and since I am truly doing my best to work on myself and accomplishing my own personal goals, I’ve been thinking a lot about traveling; 2019 and 2020 are going to be full of adventures with friends & solo excursions,that is the goal. As a gift to myself, I am attempting to pay off my credit card and a solid chunk of my remaining car payments as well, before Christmas/New Years this year. Money may be tight up until then, but getting that debt off of my shoulders will absolutely help in the long run and it will give me the opportunity to really save for these vacations.
On the bucket list for 2019:
Northern California to visit friends at/near Yosemite
Southern California to visit family
Jamaica, with friends
New Orleans with friends
On the bucket list for 2020:
Ireland with friends, to celebrate our 30th birthdays!
Germany and/or Holland to visit friends
CAMPING. I love it and I just don’t do it enough
We’ll have to see how this all plays out, but these goals are absolutely do-able and I intend to pursue them while I can. Let the adventure(s) begin!
So, it’s been almost 3 weeks of moping around and being sad about this break-up – these feeling aren’t going to go away any time soon, however, I am coming just enough out of this slump to realize that I can’t let my emotions keep me from taking care of myself.
I cancelled my gym membership and finally signed up to join a Zumba studio, which is something I’ve wanted to do since I graduated from college and no longer had dance club during the week! I don’t know what kept me from doing it before, but what better time than now to get back into the hobbies I’ve wanted to pursue in years past?
Additionally, I’ve made more moves toward my career change and am hoping this week’s interview went well! Cross your fingers for me., please!
The one goal I have at this point is to focus on MYSELF. It’s been years since I’ve actually done that and I am beginning to realize how much of myself has been lost in that time frame. It is so strange to seemingly have SO MUCH free time now, to fill up with things that I enjoy. It’s a really refreshing realization.
I should be back next week with my “What’s in my wardrobe?” post, which I’ve been meaning to write. Looks like I may actually have some time to do that over the next week or so, so keep an eye out for that one!
Okay, okay, guilty as charged. I went shopping a few times over the last week to try and make myself feel better . Post break-up therapy, if you will.
Not for nothing, the task of shopping itself didn’t really help anything…HOWEVER, the pieces that I wound up buying? They make me feel like a million bucks! I am beginning to realize that many of the clothes I wound up keeping in my wardrobe before were sub-par, at best. I bought them because I thought they were things that I should wear to work, but hardly any of them really made me FEEL good about myself when I put them on, you know? The whole point of this simplified life/closet thing I am doing is quality over quantity and to keep only the pieces that make me feel GOOD!
I am happy to report that I was able to keep myself from going crazy on impulse buys (a thing that has proven to be incredibly difficult for me in the past) and really did my best to buy pieces that really reflected MY personal style, which is a thing that I have ignored for many years and am finally beginning to rediscover.
I haven’t worn EVERYTHING yet, because this is a short work week for me (I am going away Thursday through Saturday), so below are just two pictures, for now.
In total, I purchased 6 new items and, to make room for the new stuff, I got rid of 4 old items, all of which were torn, faded or stretched out. Those items were: 1 pair of olive green work pants with some weird, sort-of visible oil stain on the front, 1 stretched out, super casual LBD, 1 black & white striped cardigan that was just too big for me, but I had been holding on to for some reason and another casual dress that I was “keeping just in case.” (TBH, not sure what I was keeping it “in case” of, so it’s been donated, along with everything else).
Alongside the 2 pieces pictured above, I purchased the following:
A light blue and white striped maxi dress from Target. $34. I have never owned one of these before. It looks really great, too! Which surprised me, since I am so darn short. It can be dressed up or down and can also work well for a beach day! Hooray for versatility!
A short-sleeved, white, collared button-up shirt for work. It is a loose fit and will pair really well with both the black and the grey, pixie-style work pants from Old Navy, that I have owned for MONTHS and/or any of my jeans/shorts.
A pair of black skinny jeans from Target for $24 + a pair of ankle length, straight leg blue jeans from Old Navy for $34. These two pairs of jeans will replace the two ratty pairs I’ve been wearing down for YEARS. Both of those pairs had slowly succumbed to the dreaded inner-thigh wear & tear and had to be replaced. I’m sad to see them go, but they had a good run!
I am pretty impressed with myself because none of these items broke the bank and I also shopped around before purchasing anything. I actually tried everything on, which I have been guilty of avoiding in years past (why? no idea. I just did), and I m really happy with the results.
There’s no motivation quite like post-break-up motivation; that’s the undeniable truth. This whole thing has provided me the opportunity to begin rediscovering myself and MY style and I look forward to seeing how that all plays out. The goal is to re-focus on self-love, self-care and self-confidence. Baby steps.
My boyfriend of 5.5 years broke up with me. It’s been a very weird last few days, to say the least. I am certain that I’ve experienced every emotion you could possibly imagine – anger, depression, defeat, betrayal, relief, regret, loneliness, self-doubt, distrust, exhaustion, incompetence, nervousness, I could go on, but I’ll save you the time. To sum it up, I have felt like absolute sh*t. I realize that this is normal, but I almost feel like I should somehow be over it already (which is absolutely ridiculous), but that’s where my brain is at currently.
Life throws curve balls (to put it lightly) and no matter the state of things prior, no matter how “prepared” you thought you were, you won’t be. It’s just not possible. It is a difficult reality to face that the last (almost) 6 years of my life were spent pouring my whole self into a relationship, only to have it end. If I could have it my way, we would have worked through whatever this burden is together; I would have helped him heal and all would have been right with the world, but that was just not the case. Everyone has demons, everyone has to face certain things on their own, I am just devastated that I can’t help. It is the worst feeling that I have ever known.
Despite all of this and no matter how down on myself I am right now, my friends and family have all been there to try and pull me back up and I am BEYOND grateful for that. It helps prove to me that I must be doing something right. If I wasn’t a decent person, this support system simply would not exist. So, as much as I am blaming myself right now, the truth is that this situation has absolutely nothing to do with me. There is nothing that I could have done to prevent it. For him, this battle is internal and I, unfortunately, have been caught in the crossfire. I have to learn how to focus on healing myself.
I wish him peace. I wish him love. I wish him self-confidence and the ability to learn to love himself – because no matter the situation, loving another person is impossible, unless you have tended to your own needs first.
ALL I WANT IS WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU.Please, take care.
“If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they are yours; if they don’t they never were.” – Richard Bach