Happy Tuesday!

So, it’s already February 19th! Holy hell! May as well share some poetry today! Inspired by Spring being SO close, yet so, so far!

‘The Thaw’

Frozen feet, thawing slowly,
sinking into grass,
ice water rivers flowing –
soon enough, this cold will pass.

Spring is on the horizon –
so close that we can feel its breeze,
blowing swiftly through the mountains
and through the tops of all the trees.

The birds will fly back shortly,
after their winter in the sun,
to join us in celebration
of warmer days yet to come.

 

Re-vamp, coming at you!

Happy February 1st, y’all! I am working on re-vamping this site. I’ve trailed off for a bit, but I am working on getting back into posting all of my #SLDMChallenge updates and all of my efforts to simplify my possessions/my life in general. It has been a crazy year already, and we’re only into month #2! 2019 is going to be awesome, I can feel it!

I am working on refocusing on the QUALITY of my life/the things in my life, rather than the quantity. It is a process and my motivation to do so has seemed to come in waves. If you scroll down on the blog page a bit, you’ll notice that, right after a HUGE break-up in July, I started cleaning out my closet pretty much once a month. I am not sure what I was trying to accomplish with that, but whatever the goal was then, I seem to have lost sight of it. I am trying to understand what created that urge in the first place, but also why the urge to simplify has seemed to vacate since.

I feel like I was trying to let go of all of the “negative” things in my life, which would makes sense; trying to start fresh, etc. Though I have begun to work through that whole situation in a much more positive way, my efforts have also begun to bring some personal questions to light. For example: What is truly important to me? Why do I impulsively do things when I am upset? How have I changed since July? Have I actually begun to truly rediscover myself? — Loaded questions, for sure & only time will tell with all of that.

Thus far though, I have learned that some of the personal goals I am looking to pursue include acquiring better quality clothing, getting into the habit of buying/eating better quality food and traveling to more places. Additionally, I have learned that I am FINALLY in the field that I want to be in and that is a part of my life that I was missing out on for a long time.

Long story longer, 2019 is the year that I am going to begin truly pursuing the things that I want to accomplish. To clarify, I am not saying that I am not accomplished at this point in my life, what I am saying is that I have accomplished a lot of things that do not hold any weight for me, realistically. It is really interesting to reflect and recognize how vastly different my current goals are, from my goals 5 years ago. I have a lot of work left to do, but I am excited to “get to gettin’,” if you will.

Stay tuned!

 

2018 > 2019: The Transition

2018 truly tested my resilience, my self-esteem, my ambition and my patience.

At the start of the year, I was working a dead end job, involved in what unfortunately became a dead end relationship, out of shape & straight up exhausted, mentally and physically.

On July 7th, I found myself single for the first time in six years due to my (now ex) falling out of love, still working at a job that I despised, and living back home with my mother. I was in an ass-load of credit card debt, still out of shape & exhausted, with no creative outlets to help me cope. At that point it seemed that I had forgotten that I had ever enjoyed anything at all. I was in a weird, depressive state of mind for the next two months straight; I felt worthless and alone and like I was no good at anything or for anything at all.

By September though, I had had enough of that bullshit and finally began to realize that, much to my dismay, life doesn’t just stop when I am feeling sad or unmotivated; it just keeps on moving, whether I am able to keep up with it or not. Once I accepted that as fact, that was the start of some crazy self-reflection. “Feeling sorry for myself isn’t going to help me accomplish a damn thing,” I wrote in one of my notebooks, over and over again, until it finally stuck. It took some serious convincing, but eventually, I got myself there.

That being said, since then, I have tried with all of my might to start addressing the following issues:

1. My lack of self-esteem: the amount of negative talk that I used to give myself daily was honestly disgusting. Breaking that habit has posed much more difficult than I anticipated, but I am working on it. I did not realize how low I let myself go; the only option now is to work on building myself back up.

2. Co-dependency issues: after July’s breakup, I felt beyond useless and defeated. I found myself looking for some kind of attention, which to my knowledge, I had never felt I’d needed before. The thing with that is, as soon as I found what I THOUGHT I was looking for, I realized that it was the exact opposite of what I needed/wanted. What I NEEDED was to become more comfortable with myself. Work in progress.

3. Sugar-coating things: I have been guilty of this in the past, so often in fact, that I almost forgot that I am actually allowed to voice my personal opinions without feeling relentlessly guilty after the fact. How I feel is how I feel and that is that. Another work in progress.

4. Trying to fix everyone that I met: everyone has their shit and it is not my job to problem solve for them. It is my job to accept and support them in any way that I can, but that is where my responsibility needs to cap off. I have drained myself emotionally so many times over the years and it was not until this year, that I realized it was because, subconsciously, I wanted to feel like a hero; like I was worth something, and that just brings me right back to addressing my own lack of self-esteem. I should not be measuring my self-worth by the number of people that I have or have not been able to “fix;” all that accomplished was setting myself up to fail.

2018 was a lot of give & take. Despite all of those less-than-favorable self-realizations, I have done a lot that I am proud of in the last few months as well!

1. I finally worked up the courage to take a pay cut and started a new career that I am actually passionate about.

2. I started getting myself out on dates again

3. I started writing again.

4. I made some serious headway on paying down my credit card debt.

5. I finally got back into working out regularly and I have lost 15 lbs since.

I am very proud of myself for all of the above, and I can honestly say that it has been a LONG while since I last felt legitimately proud of myself. It is a feeling that I am still getting used to, but I do not hate it. It is a welcomed change but I am still battling my brain on that matter; my head keeps using the terms “proud” and “arrogant,” interchangeably, but I am finally beginning to realize that there is a VERY BIG difference.

2019 is going to be the year that I stop talking down to myself. 2019 is the year that I will start pursuing what is important to me. 2019 is full of promise and that makes me PROUD.

Cleaning out my Mom’s closet!

Hello, happy Monday; give me all the coffee! Also, I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT IT IS ALREADY OCTOBER!

So, this weekend was pretty solid. I spent some much needed girl time with my best fraaand since age 6, I went on a great date, had a lot of great conversations and ate a lot of delicious food! Additionally, on Sunday, I (finally!) got my mom to go through the first round of cleaning out her closet! My mom is a beautiful lady, who always tends to wear things that are super worn and too big on her; we started to remedy that issue yesterday. Never have I ever seen SO many clothes. We made a pretty good dent, but we still have 2 dressers and another small closet to go. Progress photos below!

BEFORE! (YIKES!)

AFTER!!!!! (YAY!)

After that whole process was complete, we wound up with 3 huge bags full of clothing, (which we donated to the Lawrence Crisis Center) and a whole box full of name-brand clothing that we will be trying to sell to second-hand stores for some extra cash.

I love to help people de-clutter, but I also need to remember that not everyone is as comfortable as I am with going down to just basics. It’s going to be a different process for everyone that I assist/that goes through the process themselves. Everyone has a different definition of “just enough,” so, not only was this a learning experience for her, but it was for me as well.

THANK GOD IT’S WEDNESDAY

Hey. What’s up? Hello. I keep taking unintentional hiatuses. Sorry. These last few weeks have been slightly insane. I can’t complain, but I am going to say that I need way more sleep than I have been getting.

Where do I even begin? How many days has it been? Oh, right! I went to the Cape for an overnight last week! It was fun, but very humid! It was great to see my family and get some beach time in! I packed super light, because I was there for less than 24 hours, but I promised you an itemized list, so here it is!

 

 

  • 1 maxi dress for our annual family dinner (which doubled as a beach cover up for the following day)
  • 1 pair of shorts + a tank top to sleep in
  • 1 pair of “fancy” sandals to wear to the family dinner (which doubled as beach shoes for the following day)
  • 1 pair of jeans + 1 tank top + boat shoes which I wore during my travel time down and drive back (outfit pictured above)
  • 1 (very) small over the shoulder bag to accessorize my dinner outfit & hold my money, card & phone
  • Necessary undergarments (duh) x3
  • 1 Hoodie because this is New England and you just never friggen know
  • Beach towel
  • Baseball hat
  • Bathing suit
  • Phone charger
  • A book to read at the beach
  • minimal make-up & personal hygiene/hair care items (cover-up, sunscreen, mascara, foundation, toothbrush and travel-sized toothpaste, face wash and 2-in-1 shampoo, hair straightener, comb and deodorant

The Cape is ALWAYS beautiful and I wish I could have spent more time down there, but I am glad I got to go. Here’s some pictures!

 


What else? OH YEAH! I went to the Alkaline Trio show in Boston on Saturday. I have been DYING to see them play! They have remained one of my favorite bands for many years. Here’s a video!

In other news, I’ve also been going to zumba four times a week and I LOVE IT! Finally finding a way to work out that I can get excited about makes me very excited about my fitness goals! I used to dread the gym, but going to the zumba studio instead has really changed that for me! I get to shake my butt to get back in shape; I am living the dream! haha!

I think that is all for now. I have my last “big” vacation coming up on Thursday of next week! That day can’t arrive soon enough! Very much looking forward to spending 5 days on the beach in Maine! I’ll do a “what I packed” update and all of that for that trip as well! Until then, enjoy the rest of your week/weekend!